TINY SHOES BIG VIEWS

“I hate being poor,” I screamed to no one for the hundredth time. My go-to phrase of blaming all my misfortunes.

Struggling to pay a babysitter. “I hate being poor!”

Staring at the Alaska cruise I want to take next year. “I hate being poor!”

Have to decide whether an $8 Starbucks is worth spending money on. “I hate being poor!”

And then my wonderful boyfriend, making this face like he is about to tell the funniest joke ever, responds with his usual answer: “Baby, we aren’t poor, we broke.”

It made me want to tickle the smirk off his face. What’s the difference? Poor. Broke. I do not have money to ease my troubles, plan my trips, order what I want stress free.

Definition of poor is: lacking sufficient money to live at a standard considered comfortable or normal in a society.

Definition of broke is: having completely run out of money.

In summary: no money. Two words that mean the same.

But then he would tap his forehead, dumb smirk still on his face, and add “mindset.”

Mindset

His philosophy was being “poor” and being “broke” are nowhere close to being the same. Poor is a mindset. Broke is a status. And you can change a status.

I hate to admit when he is right, but he was onto something.

What am I doing to myself when I call myself poor? I run into this terrible feeling that I am in some sort of hole I can never dig myself out. Not living life without feeling sorry for myself. Feeling like I am going to struggle until the rest of my life.

But broke is temporary. I can work with broke. I can dream and actually believe that those dreams will come true. And more importantly, I can show my son to have those same beliefs.

Changes Made

Changing a mindset is not an overnight task. Even now, I still check out Disney cruises and wonder if I will ever be able to go again. But I am working with some helpful steps:

1. Stop Saying “Poor”
   • Maybe the most important step. Words are powerful; say something long enough, and you will start to believe it. When I get into these moods I stop and replace the word poor with “broke,” “going through a tough time,” and “I will soon.”
2. Visualize the Life I Want
   • Not living paycheck to paycheck. Able to take a vacation or two a year. Be able to spend more time with my son. The more I thought about what I want in life, the more depressed I was. I thought I would never achieve this because I am ‘poor.’ Now, I work to achieve the mindset that this life is achievable. That this is not the end of my life.
3. Write
   • I suffered headaches from how much I stressed about my life feeling like a dead end. I would get angry at customers who came at the wrong time. Not paying attention when I drive as the same irritation played in my mind. I needed an outlet to get these troubles out. Journaling has been a game-changer. All that bottled up emotion was not out in front of me. My goals, dreams, frustrations, sorrows, all out in front of me. It gives me a different perspective of these feelings. Allows me to literally visualize my thoughts and see any progress is made.
4. Look for the Gratitude
   • Moping around all day, sad about things I want, it blinded me to the things I have. My son, my boyfriend, my family, so much I regretfully take for granted. My son has his own room, he has toys, and he has food. We may not go to extravagant places but my little family go out to the splash pads and to indoor playgrounds. We took a day trip to Flagstaff! Reflecting is so important to appreciate what I do have.
5. Separate Worth from Wallet
   • I fell into this thought process that with my struggles, everything I do should bring in money. If I am doing something that does not make money must mean I am lazy and should be doing more. I forget that I should be enjoying life, not being fearful to live. There are aspects that do make me happy. Hanging out with my family, spending a day with my son, sewing just for fun. I am more than my struggles with money.

Brighter Future

So I am not poor. I am broke. I am struggling with money. I cannot book a vacation today. But I am happy. I am making plans to increase my money. I am taking my son to his favorite indoor bounce house. My family is planning another day trip, this time to Sedona. My son’s first time.

Things are stressful now, but this is a temporary struggle. And just like mindsets, this will change.